Love.

Kaitlyn: Love. Four little letters, one simple word, but so many implications. What is love? We here at CramerHagen have never touched on the subject, as most (well, all) of our posts have been hate-driven. But without love, you wouldn't have hate, thus we must evaluate it. Personally, I have come to understand love as one thing: Beyonce. Love is the only word to describe the feeling I have towards her, that of complete passion and lust coupled with concern for her well-being and happiness. I want to engage in sexual relations with her, but I also want to delve into her mind and get to know her beliefs and values. That is what I have come to understand love as. Beyonce.

William: I just came off reading Plato's Republic so maybe these questions are just products of the mood, but I'd like to explore this love you profess, and boil it down to it's essence.
Quintebeyoncessence if you will. What is it that makes Beyonce the subject of your love? Is it her uniqueness? The beauty of her form and singing? Is your love unconditional, or is there something that could shake that love? Let's say for example that Beyonce came upon a small dog one day that ate everything in sight and then barfed it up in a certain girls room. It was love at first sight and inspired Beyonce's single greatest single of all time. Let's name this dog Nanji, and the girl Kaitlyn for conveniences sake. Would your love surpass your hatred for Nanji? Which is the more powerful, love or hatred Kaitlyn?

Kaitlyn: I can't believe I'm admitting this, William, but the love I have for Beyonce surpasses the hate I have for Nanji. This next part takes a lot for me to say: if Nanji was Beyonce's muse, I would stop trying to kill her. Though a world without that wretched animal would be an exponentially better place, a world with a saddened Beyonce is something I could not endure. It would be like seeing an angel die or something. My heart wouldn't be able to take the pain. Therefore, I will admit that this love surpasses that hate. Call me a sucker, but there is no limit to my love for B.

William: Folks, if that is not a confession, I don't know what is. I'm now ready to present my case to the court. What case might you ask Kaitlyn? I conclude undoubtedly the following: "Grace Steffenhagen does not actually exist". Now, ladies and gentleman bear with me, it may seem ridiculous, but the facts are there; Kaitlyn's love for Beyonce is so obsessive, she would be willing to stop her quest to destroy the Antichrist if it were Beyonce's muse. Obviously a dangerously insane individual, willing to hold multiple personalities for the sole purpose of worshipping Beyonce. Furthermore, lets take a look at what we can learn about Grace through Facebook stalking (as I've never actually met her): comments about Nanji being the devil, Beyonce having a line of temporary tattoos, Beyonce's alleged pregnancy, sarcastic condemnations of various people, ironic comments, pictures as a baby and as Lady Gaga... The list goes on. Furthermore she seems to communicate in the language only Kaitlyn and a select few others understand: chatspeak (funny we had a blog post about that in the past...). I don't know how Kaitlyn has deceived her family thus far, or manages to live her dual life as both Grace and Kaitlyn, but it makes me scared. I fully expect not to survive this next week. I only hope somebody out there reads this, and alerts the proper authorities.