Coffee

William: I love coffee, absolutely no problem with it. But when you go to a coffee shop and the only thing on the menu is a ten word long phrase that never uses the word coffee, I must say I feel a little annoyed. Sometimes, I would just like a plain cup of coffee, maybe with sugar or cream, at most a mocha. But I do not want to order a "venti-mocha-latte-frappucino-with whipped topping-a dash of mint- a shot of pumpkin flavoring-super gut-buster size please". There is nothing more humiliating then having to order something that sounds like a complex chemistry problem.

Kaitlyn: William, that happens to be one of my favorite drinks. But you forgot the extra unicorn shavings i usually order. All kidding aside, I completely agree. And then when you say, "Yeah, I'd like a small hot chocolate please," they're always like "oh, you mean a inverse-venti piping dulce with cacao." NO. I meant a small hot chocolate. And then they press about seventy buttons on the register and all this random stuff is showing on the screen to you and you scream "NO!! I don't want dead babies on the side! Where'd that come from?" but the barista's going at a mile a minute and then, after all of that, she charges you five dollars for something you could make at home.

Banana Runts

Kaitlyn: I think everyone here agrees that banana runts are by far the best Runt in the bag. The shape of the banana, the feel of it, the taste... they're amazing. But you only get six, maybe seven per bag. That's the whole reason I buy Runts, for those delicious gems of gold. They should sell strictly the bananas. I would probably buy a lifetime's stock,  not gonna lie. 

William: I completely agree, I have to save all the bananas for last so I have a good taste after eating the candy. My next topic of angst and hate is made up fruits in cereal or candy. There is no such thing as "blue raspberry" period. There is no way I would want to eat a mutated fruit that makes a raspberry seem blue. You wouldn't eat a green peach, and likewise, I don't want to eat a blue raspberry. Seriously, it is not creative or appetizing to make up these new fruits, frankly, I find it insulting to my intelligence. Unless the maker was color blind there is no excuse for this travesty.

Kaitlyn: Exactly. Moreover, it doesn't event taste like a raspberry. It's some random made up flavor I think. But it's everywhere. There was some person, way far back, who thought it keen to make the entire world believe in a magical made up fruit. If I could find him, I'd tell him I think he's stupid, and then I'd kill him. But seriously, there needs to be an influx of banana Runts or I'll flip a b-word. 

The first strike for hate

William: I hate people who update their status every five minutes. There is no way anybody has a life so interesting it should concern me to look at it every five minutes. When people write Billy Bob is "eating dinner" you're obviously not eating dinner, because you're busy wasting your life updating your status. And I use the word life very sparingly, as you obviously don't have one. Their probably shouldn't be a tab called "friends" on your profile, because its pretty obvious you don't have any. Here's some advice. Pick up the phone. Dial a random number. When the person picks up, tell them everything that is happening to you or around you as fast as you can. Repeat process 24/7. Congratulations, now more people are actually paying attention to you then when you post useless crap on your profile.

Kaitlyn: You're right William. That is freaking annoying. Know what else I hate? People who Facebook Chat you when you don't freaking want to talk to them. The conversations usually go like this:

-Perpetrator: Hey

-Me: Hi.

And then it ends. WHAT?! You really chatted me so that you could just say hey?? Way to waste my freaking time. I have a busy life. I have things to do. I cannot afford to waste my CPU space on your arbitrary remarks. Save it for sometime when I can cause you actual physical harm for annoying me.

William: I despise chat speak, it makes you sound stupid: period. The English language evolved over 1,000 years, its not there for you to destroy in 10 years of obsessive texting. It takes me longer to figure out what "lol, ttyl, lmao, g2g, cya" means then if you wrote it out. Typing out a coherent sentence WILL NOT CAUSE YOU WRIST DAMAGE, please, for the love of language write rationally. I realize the occasional apostrophe or period at the end of sentences can be omitted, but really, get a life. Your IQ falls around to the level of "algae" when you can't write properly. Here's a message to the chat speak freaks: DQYDJ, its probably the only one you'll ever have.

Kaitlyn: William, I gotta say, I enjoy the occasional "lol." But that's just about it. Can we talk about people who display their personal relationships all over their walls? Yeah, it's really annoying. Seriously, the last thing I want to see when I'm Facebook stalking is two people discussing their favorite sex positions together. No. Not ok. Save it for when I can't see it. I barf a little bit in my mouth. It makes me sick. Their wall-to-wall is constantly peppered with "ilu" and "<3<3.">

Statement of Intent

Hello. We are Kaitlyn Steffenhagen and William Cramer. The world is a funny place, full of things we despise, and things that annoy us. We are going to share all of our annoyances with you and you will like it. That's it.